Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
