i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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