Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
