Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
