i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
