Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
