Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
