So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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