I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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