so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
