in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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