Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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