can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
