I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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