grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
