You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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