Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
