I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Randomize
