At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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