How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
