Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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