I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
