I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
