Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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