highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
