Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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