just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
