How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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