margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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