the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
