All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
