Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
