im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
