Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
