Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
