I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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