Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
