Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
