hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
