First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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