Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
