she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
