If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
