I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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