Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
