His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
