Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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