drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
