my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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