i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
