textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
