he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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